you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
