I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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