i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she told me i tasted like america
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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