Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
