Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
