remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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