Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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