i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
