farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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