And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
