Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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