a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
