did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
