I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
