You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
