I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it because I queefed?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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