You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
