google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
