Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
