I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
