I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
