Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
