you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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