Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
