i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
