I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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