nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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