i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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