So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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