Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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