We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
