I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
