I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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