i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
