im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
