I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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