No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I AM VODKA MAN
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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