I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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