And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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