Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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