so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
