Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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