There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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