I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
