Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
