so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
