There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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