They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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