She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
