I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
