I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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