is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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