Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
