my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
