She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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