Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I want to fling myself into the sun
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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