Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
