she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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