Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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