Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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