I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
