my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
