I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
