I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
