Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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