i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
