u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
