I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
