if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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