just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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