Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
