Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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