So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
